


underwater

by babyweis



Series: i do love you [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Denial of Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Smut, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Sort Of, Trust Issues, hyungwon just loves him, it's pretty subtle but just a heads up, minhyuk is sad but he gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 03:43:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16802977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyweis/pseuds/babyweis
Summary: "It's complicated.""Everything is only as complicated as you make it to be," Hyungwon says. Minhyuk looks at him again, at his stupid, attractive face and stupid, fluffy hair, and his fingers twitch."What's your biggest fear?" he asks.Hyungwon raises an eyebrow at that. He moves closer to the couch, leans his shoulder against it, barely inches away from Minhyuk. "I don't know," he says, and he sounds genuine. "What's yours?"





	underwater

**Author's Note:**

> hi there!! as you can see this fic is the second part of my soulmate!au series. it can be read as a stand-alone but i do suggest reading the first part first if you haven't yet, since it might give you some background info. but whether you read it or not, i hope you'll enjoy this one <3

Way too often, Minhyuk feels like he's floating.

He goes to work like a normal person would, spends his days in the pawn shop owned by his grandfather, goes out with Kihyun and his other friends on his free time. When he's alone, he plays games on the floor of his apartment's living room, watches Netflix while lying on his bed or goes window-shopping downtown. Sometimes, he barges in Kihyun's bakery on weekends and pretends he's not distracting Hoseok, Jooheon and Changkyun from work whenever Kihyun peeks out of the kitchen. He talks with his mother over the phone a lot, visits her and stays over whenever he has the time. All in all, he thinks he leads a pretty ordinary life for a twenty-five-year-old, single man.

Despite that, he feels like he's going through his life in some sort of a haze, just doing and watching but not really feeling anything. He has things he wants to achieve, places he wants to see - but he pushes it all back with the mentality of _I'm young. I have time. I can do all of that later._

And in a way, that is true. He _is_ young. He does have time. However, it's more about something else.

Watching his friends find their soulmates or just simply new friends - traveling to new places, moving into big, expensive houses and getting married - even having children - he realizes that in the middle of all that, he feels a little lonely.

There's no one to stay up with until morning, no one to share his deepest thoughts with, no one to do things with him, no one to grab his hand and board a plane to Europe with him. Even Kihyun is too busy to properly spend time with him like they used to do, caught up with work and his relationship with Hyunwoo.

That's just a part of adulthood, Minhyuk tells himself, people are focused on their soulmates and starting families instead of friendships. That's _normal_.

Maybe it wouldn't feel so bad if he was also one of those lucky ones who find their soulmate at an early age and click together instantly, ending up spending the rest of their lives together.

But he's not. He's _not_. He hasn't yet met his soulmate, and he knows that whenever they do meet, there won't be a happy ending for them. It might be better if the two of them never meet at all.

His mother scolded him for his thoughts one day, sat him down onto the couch as if he was still a little child and told him, "Whatever happened with me and your father is not a curse that will follow you. There are millions of people who are happy with their soulmate, and I know you will be one of them. Don't push them away before you even meet them."

And Minhyuk wishes he could believe in that. He does. He _does_ , but sometimes he still wakes up to nightmares and the clearest memory he has of his childhood is his father grabbing his arm and telling him, _shut up about all that soulmate crap already,_ and so he can't.

He knows that most likely he will never even fall in love with his soulmate, and they won't fall in love with him either, and then they'll be stuck in an endless loop of trying to make it work until one of them cracks for good and things get out of hand. He's already seen that happen once, has sat trembling in the staircase in the middle of the night, hidden by the dark and watching it all unwind right before his eyes.

He doesn't need to see it twice.

  
Minhyuk doesn't usually go clubbing - or out at all, for that matter - on his own.

He prefers dragging his friends with him, whining at Kihyun to please come just this once and maybe take Hyunwoo along too, feeling comfortable when he's surrounded by people he knows.

It's not like he's completely hopeless with strangers, though. He likes to think he's a pretty sociable person and good at making new friends and acquaintances. But the problem is, that when he's not with people he knows, that weird feeling of floating comes to him in overwhelming waves and makes him do stupid things he knows he's going to regret later on. And, obviously, alcohol makes it all the worse.

But despite being aware of that, here he is, dressed in skinny jeans and a sweater with a v-neck that hangs dangerously low on his chest. He has a drink on his hand, one that he doesn't remember buying, and it's a strange shade in between grey and white. The man pressed to his side says it's icy blue, kind of like the colour of the sky but lighter, more beautiful. The fact that he's describing the colour can only mean that he's already met his soulmate, but yet he's there, his lips latched on Minhyuk's neck, and perhaps Minhyuk should ask him if he's allowed to do that, but he doesn't. He'd rather not know.

He leaves his drink on the table, sober enough to know better than to drink something he's pretty sure he never bought for himself, and somehow manages to shake the guy off before striding over to the dancefloor. He meets another man there, more subtle and gentle as he invites Minhyuk over to dance with him, and Minhyuk goes.

Anything to keep himself from feeling lonely.

They mess around with each other for a while, testing the boundaries, and then Minhyuk asks if he wants to go get a drink at the bar. The stranger flashes a smile at him and says, "sure."

They wrap their arms around each other to avoid getting separated in the sea of the people as they make their way to the back of the club where the bar is located. Minhyuk thinks he can see the guy from earlier now making out with a girl in one of the tables.

"What's your name?" The stranger asks him once they're seated on the barstools and ordered drinks for themselves. "I'm Kwangji, by the way."

"Kwangji," Minhyuk repeats, tilting his head and smiling at the said man, "I'm Minhyuk."

He's genuinely having fun, Minhyuk realizes at some point of their conversation, their shoulders pressed together naturally as they talk. Maybe it's the alcohol. Or maybe it's just the way his mind seems to be here and somewhere far away at the same time, circling in between full, hyperactive consciousness and nothingness. Or maybe it's both.

"Hey," Kwangji suddenly says in between one of their laughing fits, lightly patting his shoulder, "my friend's over there. He works as a DJ in here, I guess he just got off. Mind if I invite him over?"

"Go ahead," Minhyuk grins, rolling the straw of his drink in between his teeth. Kwangji laughs and ruffles his hair, slipping down from his seat with a promise to be back in a second.

And that's what he does. Minhyuk has barely taken two sips of his drink when the man appears to his side again, gesturing to the figure behind himself. "Back," he says, "so, Minhyuk, this is..."

And if he continues whatever he was saying, Minhyuk doesn't hear it. There's a sudden light bursting right in front of him, shining into his eyes so violently he flinches, knocking his drink over on the table. It's a strange shade - something like grey but not quite, and it's bright, and weird, and Minhyuk nearly stumbles down from his seat in shock.

He stares at the stranger standing behind Kwangji's back, their eyes meeting in between his rapid blinking, and he can almost _hear_ how his blood rushes up and down his body. The man has a white hair, illuminated by the lights of the club that suddenly seem a lot more vivid, brighter, _prettier_ , and Minhyuk somehow wants to look at them, really look at them, take a long look around the entire club and take it in, but he can't remove his eyes from that man.

He looks like a model - tall, bright eyes and full lips, his dyed hair looking like cotton, and Minhyuk's hands are fidgeting and his breath is getting caught in his throat and he thinks, _no_.

He slips down from his seat and swirls around, tripping over his own feet in the process and falling down to the ground. There's someone calling his name and asking him if he's okay, but his heartbeat is ringing in his ears and the blood is rushing in his veins and he needs to _go_. He scrambles back to his feet and runs, not stopping even once to apologize at the people he accidentally shoves on his way out of the club.

  
Shutting the door of his apartment with a loud thud, Minhyuk falls down to the floor again, his legs giving out at the last minute. He leans back against the door, all the air nearly knocked out of his lungs, and he tries to breathe but _god, it's difficult._

He stares forward, at the carpet on his floor and the wallpaper of the hall, at the door handle on the bathroom door. It's his apartment, it's all his, but it's different.

The colours.

He couldn't have met his soulmate. He couldn't have, not right now. It could not be happening. It was too sudden, too out of the blue, he was slightly drunk and alone and his mind is too big of a mess for him to think properly.

He inhales deeply and rubs violently at his face with both hands before slipping his phone out of his pocket. He needs to tell Kihyun. Kihyun will know what to do. He needs to send a message to Kihyun and then, he needs to calm down.

Kihyun doesn't answer, neither his messages or calls. Hyunwoo does, and tells him Kihyun went out. He asks if he can help Minhyuk with anything. Minhyuk says he doesn't need to, that he's okay, he just needs a moment.

The moment turns into hours, and he ends up sitting in his hall and then in the bathtub for longer than he ever has, staring at his shampoo bottles and the hand towels hanging on the opposite wall. It's beautiful, he admits that. The colours.

There's nothing else that's beautiful about the whole situation, though. He's not sure when he started crying, and he refuses to look into the mirror to see what he looks like. What he _really_ looks like. He doubts even the colours could make him look beautiful in such a state. His hands are trembling and every now and then, he lets out an ugly sob, his legs pulled up to his chest. He's sad, and he's scared, and he's angry, and the water in the bathtub is already cool against his skin.

It's awful.

  
Minhyuk is lying on his bed under covers when Kihyun calls him the next morning. He's been drifting in and out of sleep for the past five hours, and he's simply _exhausted_ , but he decides to go over to Kihyun's apartment anyway after the other promises he can come. He doesn't want to be alone.

He tries to stop himself from looking around, in the elevator, in the streets, in the bus, in the stairs of the building Kihyun and Hyunwoo live in, in the two's apartment. He doesn't want to see the colours. He refuses to do that. They only make him think of that man.

He breaks down again when he meets Kihyun in the hall, cries against his shoulder there for a good ten minutes until Kihyun ushers him to get rid of his shoes and jacket and then walks him to the kitchen. There's a cup of tea shoved down in front of him on the table, and he takes one sip while suppressing a new wave of tears.

"I was-" Minhyuk chokes out, the tears bursting out before he can stop them. He buries his face in his hands and leans against the table with his elbows, inhaling deeply as Kihyun reaches over the table to reassuringly pat his shoulder.

"It's okay," he says. "I understand. Take your time."

And Minhyuk does that. He takes several long sips of his tea along with deep breaths, rubs his eyes until the skin around them feels irritated, crosses and uncrosses his ankles underneath the table until he says, "I was in this club, talking with someone. He was nice, I guess. Then he saw his- his friend there, and he asked if he can invite him to chat with us, and I said yes. And- and that was him. The friend. He was- he _is._..him."

Kihyun hums, his feet brushing Minhyuk's underneath the table. It feels somehow comforting. "Did you talk with him?"

"I didn't," Minhyuk admits, dropping his gaze down to his tea so he won't see the disapproving look that he just knows Kihyun has on his face at the moment. "I ran, Kihyun. That's what I did."

Kihyun sighs. "Minhyuk," he says softly, "you need to go talk to him, you know that, right?"

Minhyuk shrugs his shoulders. He knows he should. Of course he does. But he doesn't want to do that, and he's pretty sure the guy doesn't want to see him again either. He must be angry - must be questioning _why_ he's been given such a soulmate like Minhyuk. No one in their right mind actually runs away from their soulmate like that on their first meeting, anyway.

"He hasn't done anything to you," Kihyun continues, reaching over the table to gently tug at Minhyuk's sleeve. "Just look for him and at least apologize. He probably feels awful."

 _I feel awful, too,_ Minhyuk wants to say, but doesn't. He just shrugs his shoulders again instead.

  
Minhyuk clearly remembers the day his parents told him they're taking a divorce. He remembers coming home from school to both of them sitting on the couch together - a rare occurance those days - and his mother telling him to sit down with them.

"Honey," she said to him, "your father and I have talked about things a lot, lately, and we have decided that it's the best for us - and you - that we go our separate ways."

He remembers the disappointment afterwards. He remembers asking them _why_. He remembers bursting into tears and then running out of the house and calling Kihyun while sitting on a swing in an empty playground. 

(It seems like running away and calling Kihyun are his solution to handling distress.)

He remembers standing on his parents' bedroom door the next day, watching his father pack his things. He remembers following him to the hall and asking, "Do you love mom?"

"I love both of you," his father told him, and then hugged him, repeated the same words over and over again before leaving and never coming back. Later that night, Minhyuk sat on his bed while looking at the healing bruises on his knees and wondered what he was thinking of at that moment, when he turned his back and walked away.

A week passes by, and it's Saturday again, a little past nine. Minhyuk dresses himself up and takes a bus downtown, walks straight through the doors of the club and orders himself a heavy drink. He doesn't dance. He takes his glass and sits down at the back of the bar, stares past the dancefloor and at the DJ booth. He can't make out the man's face, but he can see his white hair, the lights dancing on them like on an empty canvas, and he waits.

Two hours pass by. Minhyuk orders more drinks until he's a tad bit more than tipsy again. He stays seated, refuses another request to get up and dance and waits for twenty more minutes until the man with white hair gets down from his place and disappears to the backroom. Then he waits some more. Ten minutes, to be exact. There's another DJ in the booth now, and the music they play isn't to Minhyuk's taste at all.

The white-haired man comes out from the backroom, disappears again in between the crowd of dancing people for a moment, and then steps out again, passing by the bar. He's wearing all-black, a tee with jeans, and has a biker's jacket carelessly thrown over his shoulder. He's holding car keys on his other hand. Minhyuk watches how he slowly walks towards the main door of the club, and doesn't call out to him, doesn't run to him. He's still waiting.

The man stops just as he reaches the door, stands there for a moment. Some people brush past him, and then he turns around and meets Minhyuk's eyes from across the room.

Minhyuk stops waiting. He downs the rest of his drink and gets up, walks to the other side of the room until they are standing face-to-face. The man doesn't speak. He stares at Minhyuk in silence, fiddling with his keys with one hand. Minhyuk stares right back at him, watches his features, his plump lips and piercing eyes, and his chest feels hot and his mouth dry.

"I'm sorry," he says, "I'm sorry I ran away like that."

He doesn't know what else to say. He thought it all out when he was waiting, but he can't remember any of it anymore. His mind feels completely blank, and it's _strange_ , but it's probably just the alcohol.

The man before him shrugs his shoulders and says, "I'm sorry you felt you had to run away like that."

The words are unexpected, strange, and somehow, they scratch their way down Minhyuk's throat and right to his heart. He'd been expecting anger. He'd been expecting a sharp voice and piercing words, to be told to just leave again and never come back.

"It wasn't your fault," he says, and the man flashes him a smile, teeth and all, brighter than the lights of the club, and says,

"I know."

Minhyuk doesn't know how to respond to that. He suddenly feels very out of breath. "You know."

"I know," the man repeats. Then he reaches out with his hand and grasps at Minhyuk's own with it. "My name is Hyungwon."

Minhyuk drops his gaze down to their joined hands, watches them, how their lines fit into each other like two complex pieces of an unfinished puzzle. He's scared, but he doesn't want to let go. "I'm Minhyuk," he says.

  
"Kihyun told me you found your soulmate," Hoseok says as he passes him his coffee, sliding down to sit on the booth with him at the opposite side of the table. Minhyuk deletes the text he was typing, exits the empty chatroom with Hyungwon and shoves his phone in his pocket.

"Yeah," he replies, "I did."

"How is he like?"

"He's..." Minhyuk stops, wraps his fingers around his coffee and inhales deeply. "He's okay."

That's a lie. Minhyuk doesn't think about _okay people_ constantly, nonstop for days after talking to them once. The truth is, Hyungwon is more than okay and makes Minhyuk feel strange things, but he's not ready to admit that. He doesn't even know if he wants to be ready to admit that, ever. He doesn't want to get everyone's - his own included - hopes up for nothing. The fact that Hyungwon makes him feel things might not be enough.

After all, his parents made each other feel things too.

"Okay," Hoseok repeats. Minhyuk looks up at him, tries to tell him not to dwell on the subject with just his gaze, and somehow he seems to catch up on that. "Ah, well. I was thinking... Have you noticed anything strange with Kihyun lately?"

Minhyuk quirks an eyebrow at him. "With Kihyun?" he asks, frowning as Hoseok nods. "Not really. What do you mean?"

"Well, it's..." Hoseok trails off, turning his head to look towards the counter, probably to check that the topic of their conversation isn't present before proceeding. "I feel like he's been avoiding me, kind of."

"Avoiding you," Minhyuk repeats. Hoseok nods again, and Minhyuk sighs, taking a sip of his coffee while trying to think back to Kihyun's behaviour for the past weeks. He can't recall anything strange. "Did you do something?"

Hoseok's face falls. He leans against the table with his elbows and takes another look around the café. Minhyuk follows his gaze to see Changkyun and Jooheon chatting away behind the counter. "I don't know."

"Then I guess you should talk to him about it, and not to me," Minhyuk says. Hoseok shrugs his shoulders, and he gets a weird sense of deja vu where he sort of was in Hoseok's place instead. Sort of.

"I guess I should," Hoseok sighs then, and slowly gets up from the booth. An elderly couple steps in through the doors and Minhyuk watches him greet them, waving his hand at him as he disappears to the kitchen.

The conversation leaves a strange feeling, something bugging at the back of Minhyuk's head, but he brushes it off. He sips his coffee and pulls his phone out of his pocket again, unlocks it and places it on the table, stares at his wallpaper - a picture of his mother's dog. It still looks strange to him, now that it's in colours.

The elderly couple sits on the booth behind him, and he listens to them talk, about how the weather has been getting colder and how their daughter is going to visit them with her husband soon. Changkyun brings them their order and then skids back to the counter, slaps Jooheon's shoulder as he gets there and laughs afterwards.

Minhyuk looks at his coffee, a lone cup on the big table, grabs his phone, types a message and hits 'send'.

  
Hyungwon is understanding. Patient. Minhyuk wishes he wasn't.

  


  
"You're always a little drunk when we meet," Hyungwon says. He's standing in front of Minhyuk's bookshelf, the one that's filled with everything but actual books, looking at a cd Minhyuk doesn't remember owning. "Should I be worried?"

Minhyuk wants to scoff and tell him that's the least thing he should be worried about when it comes to Minhyuk. He doesn't do either. Instead, he lets himself fall back down onto his couch and looks up at the dull, grey ceiling, so he doesn't need to look at the enchanting, vivid man standing in the room. "I'm not an alcoholic, or anything," he says.

"I didn't say you were," Hyungwon replies. Minhyuk closes his eyes and listens to his soft footsteps as he walks across the room, hears the familiar humming of his stereos before the music starts playing. It's Minhyuk's favorite album. He thinks he won't be able to listen to it again after this night.

There are more footsteps, fainter under the music, getting closer until they stop, and then some shuffling right beside the couch. Minhyuk opens his eyes and tilts his head to see Hyungwon sitting on the floor, already looking at him. His breath hitches in his throat.

"Enlighten me," Hyungwon says, "tell me why you don't want to be sober when you're with me."

He doesn't sound accusing, just curious. Minhyuk hates that. He _wants_ to hate that. He thinks that actually, he probably doesn't.

"Because when I'm sober," Minhyuk starts, lifting his hand to make an unclear, meaningless gesture, "when I'm sober, things are difficult."

"And now they are not?"

Minhyuk sighs, drops his hand down to rest it on his abdomen. "It's complicated."

"Everything is only as complicated as you make it to be," Hyungwon says. Minhyuk looks at him again, at his stupid, attractive face and stupid, fluffy hair, and his fingers twitch.

"What's your biggest fear?" he asks.

Hyungwon raises an eyebrow at that. He moves closer to the couch, leans his shoulder against it, barely inches away from Minhyuk. "I don't know," he says, and he sounds genuine. "What's yours?"

Minhyuk lies still for a moment, quiet, breathes in the faint scent of Hyungwon's cologne while listening to the song that's playing. "It's stupid," he says.

"I'm sure it's not, Minhyuk," Hyungwon tells him, and the moment his name leaves his mouth, Minhyuk decides he would tell him everything down to his deepest secrets and scars if he just asked.

"It's ending up like my parents did," he says.

"What happened with them?"

"A lot of things," Minhyuk says. His voice drops, just a little above a whisper so he can barely hear it over the music himself. "Awful things."

Hyungwon doesn't respond right away. Minhyuk watches him, how his face turns into a frown and then into something else, deeper, raw, and in the end he just looks sad when he looks back at Minhyuk. He reaches over with his hand and brushes Minhyuk's hair away from his forehead.

It feels too natural.

"Is that way you ran away when we first met?" he asks, and Minhyuk nods. He's too exhausted and had a few too many to lie.

"Sort of."

"I'm sorry," Hyungwon says. Minhyuk turns his head away to avoid looking at him. Hyungwon's hand still remains there, on his hair, fingertips just slightly brushing, and Minhyuk kind of wants to pull it away from there and intertwine their fingers instead. "But do you want to hear a secret?"

"Yes," Minhyuk whispers.

"I'm usually not an affectionate person," Hyungwon says. His voice is quiet, matching with Minhyuk's. "I never was. It's- I thought it was embarrassing, or awkward. But it's not like that with you." He runs his fingers through Minhyuk's hair, and Minhyuk holds his breath, closing his eyes. "I guess I sound cheesy or dumb or whatever, but the thing is that I feel like... Like I'd known you forever and I would never, _ever_ hurt you, Minhyuk."

Minhyuk swallows and opens his eyes. Their gazes meet, and Hyungwon whispers, "Please don't be scared."

  
Kihyun calls him the next morning, asks him if he can stay over for a few nights. Minhyuk, without hesitation, promises that he can. It's time he repays for everything his best friend has done for him.

When Kihyun gets to his place, it takes a moment for him to speak. When he does, all the blood in Minhyuk's body runs cold.

"Hyunwoo and I broke up," Kihyun tells him. Then he takes another moment before he looks Minhyuk straight in the eyes and says, "Minhyuk, I think I'm in love with Hoseok."

Minhyuk doesn't sleep the next night. He lets Kihyun take his bed and sits wide awake on the couch of his living room and he thinks. Kihyun and Hyunwoo were together for four years, he counts. Four years, and he never noticed anything strange with them. Four years, and he never noticed _anything_ strange with his _best friend._ He never noticed Kihyun was not in love with his soulmate.

He's not angry. He understands Kihyun wanted to hide such a thing. He understands that sometimes, people just feel like they _have_ to lie.

He thinks of the words his father said to him before he left, thinks of Kihyun, Hyunwoo and Hoseok, and then thinks of how he lied on the same exact spot he's sitting on and how Hyungwon sat next to him, brushed his hair with his soft fingers.

He thinks of Hyungwon telling him, "I would never, _ever_ hurt you." Looks at the bag Kihyun left on the floor and remembers waking up at two in the morning at the age of eleven to the sound of something hitting the floor in his parents' bedroom.

He goes to the bathroom and throws up.

  
"Who's Kihyun?" Hyungwon asks. He's lying on his back on Minhyuk's couch, picked up Minhyuk's phone after the screen lit up with a message.

"He's my best friend," Minhyuk says. He's sitting on the floor in front of the tv, attempting to connect it to his laptop. He usually watches movies just simply on the laptop screen, but he also usually watches movies alone. "We grew up together."

Hyungwon hums, puts the phone down and sits up on the couch. His hair isn't pure white anymore - the black roots are starting to grow out. This is the first time Minhyuk has seen him in three weeks.

(He wishes it would be awkward, but it's not. It never is with Hyungwon.)

It's also been three weeks since Kihyun broke up with Hyunwoo. Two weeks, since Kihyun found himself an apartment. It's small, but close to the bakery, and pretty nice. Minhyuk helped him move in along with Hoseok. It was strange, and it still is, whenever he sees the two of them together. He's not sure if they are officially dating, and he thinks they're not sure about it either. They're just circling around each other, the smallest touches here and there.

Minhyuk is more intrigued with the way they look at each other. Their eyes lit up, and they can't hide their smiles. He feels like he was a fool for never noticing that Kihyun didn't look at Hyunwoo in such a way.

"You're sober today, aren't you?" Hyungwon asks. Minhyuk avoids looking at him, focuses on the tv screen instead as it finally connects to the laptop, the Netflix logo appearing.

"Yeah," he says, "I am."

He gets a strange feeling that Hyungwon is smiling, even if he's not looking at him. He's too scared to check if it's accurate, and casts his eyes on the pizza boxes stored on the coffee table as he turns around. Then he thinks of Hyungwon's words - " _Please don't be scared,_ " and he looks.

Hyungwon is smiling, lazily leaning against the backrest of the couch while looking at him.

Minhyuk's heart flips in a weird way and he takes a moment before sitting onto the couch next to Hyungwon, enough space in between them for him to breathe normally as he clicks on the movie and starts digging in on his pizza.

He doesn't even know what he's feeling. It's a whole new level of floating, being around Hyungwon. He stumbles in between feeling a little flustered but content while struggling to accept that feeling and feeling scared while trying to tell himself not to be. He wants to believe, to be hopeful, but when he is, it starts freaking him out - he doesn't want to let his guard down and his hopes up, because he doesn't want to be disappointed.

It's a constant conflict.

He feels like he trusts Hyungwon, but he doesn't want to. Soulmates or not, he doesn't even know him. Hyungwon could be lying to him. Pretending. Or he could be telling the truth, being honest, but things could change.

Minhyuk likes taking risks, but this one is just too big for him.

They finish eating, and then they finish the movie. Minhyuk drifts in and out of his thoughts, involuntarily keeps glancing towards Hyungwon more than he looks at the tv screen. Hyungwon catches him a few times, but doesn't say anything. He just smiles. And it's not even a cocky kind of smile or anything - it's genuine, somewhat relieved, and Minhyuk feels dizzy.

The ending credits start playing on the screen, and he shuts both his tv and laptop, Hyungwon sitting in silence next to him. It's already dark outside, and the room turns dark as well when the tv screen goes black. The small, dim lamp in the corner of the room is the only thing bringing light.

It's comfortable, the lightning, the atmosphere, the sound of Hyungwon breathing next to him - Hyungwon's presence. Minhyuk still isn't sure if it's a good or a bad thing, but he doesn't feel lonely, anymore. He doesn't feel _alone_.

He looks at Hyungwon, and Hyungwon looks back at him. Smiles, like he so often does when he looks at Minhyuk. It's overwhelming, but Minhyuk can't bring himself to look away.

  
A few days later, Minhyuk visits his mother and tells her he has met his soulmate. She looks ecstatic, but also obviously tries to hide it. She asks him to tell her about Hyungwon, and Minhyuk tells. He's in the middle of describing the way Hyungwon asks a lot of questions but also listens, when his mother suddenly laughs.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Nothing, dear," she says, "you just look so happy when you talk about him. I'm glad. He sounds like a nice boy."

Hyungwon's apartment is nice. It's a tad bit bigger than Minhyuk's and has a wide balcony. The kitchen is a little messy, but Minhyuk doesn't mind. He's not exactly a clean person himself.

They watch another movie in the living room. The couch is also a little bigger than Minhyuk's, has a lot more space, but Minhyuk doesn't sit further away from Hyungwon. Instead, he sits closer, barely inches away so he can feel Hyungwon's bodyheat.

He doesn't pay much attention to the movie again. He stares at the screen, but doesn't really watch.

He thinks of what his mother said, that he looked happy when talking about Hyungwon. He thinks about Kihyun and Kihyun's parents, who have been married for thirty years now. He thinks about his own parents and then about Kihyun's parents again, and then he thinks about Kihyun and Hyunwoo and Kihyun and Hoseok. He thinks about his own loneliness and he thinks about Hyungwon.

The ending credits start playing again, but this time, they're not left in silence.

"Hey," Hyungwon says with a quiet voice, "I'm glad it's you."

Minhyuk thinks of his parents. "You think that because it _is_ me."

"No," Hyungwon replies. He waits until Minhyuk looks at him before he continues. "Even if you weren't my soulmate, I wouldn't want anyone else but you."

"You barely _know_ me."

"That doesn't change anything."

"What if you end up hating me?"

"I won't, Minhyuk."

Hyungwon looks him in the eyes when he speaks, and Minhyuk believes him.

  
"So, this is Hyungwon," Kihyun says as he emerges out of the crowd of people, Hoseok trailing after him. He shoots a grin at Minhyuk and then sticks his hand out towards Hyungwon for a handshake, "Hi, I'm Kihyun."

"Hey, Kihyun," Hyungwon says, picking up the handshake. Kihyun smiles at him and takes a seat next to Minhyuk at the bar, gesturing at Hoseok.

"This is Hoseok. He's...he's my boyfriend."

"Hyungwon knows," Minhyuk says as Hyungwon shakes Hoseok's hand. Kihyun raises an eyebrow at him.

"Do you tell him everything?" he asks. "That's very soulmate-y of you."

Minhyuk doesn't comment on that. He doesn't have the time to, anyway, since the bartender shows up to ask if they want anything. Kihyun promises to pay for a round. Minhyuk says it seems like the bakery is doing well, which leads to Hoseok beaming proudly and fussing about how they've been having a lot of customers lately, with Kihyun looking flustered and embarrassed.

"He's over-exaggerating," he says, "it was just a good month."

"You're just being too humble," Hoseok whines. Minhyuk hides a smile at the exchange and takes a sip of his drink.

He shouldn't really be surprised anymore when he glances over to his other side and sees Hyungwon already looking at him, but he is.

"You're staring," he whispers.

"You're smiling," Hyungwon whispers back. Minhyuk downs the rest of his drink and huffs at him.

Kwangji shows up twenty minutes later. He flashes a stunning grin at everyone, exchanges handshakes with Kihyun and Hoseok before taking a seat to Hyungwon's other side and looking at him and Minhyuk.

"I must say, I was a little worried about you two first," he says, "but I'm glad to see things are working out now."

Hyungwon smiles at that, and Minhyuk thinks he does as well, just a little. He shrugs and looks away.

"Well," he says, "I'm not running away anymore."

  
Later that night, when they are waiting for a cab on the side of the road with Kihyun, Hoseok and Kwangji already gone, Hyungwon kisses him. It's more a small peck than anything, right on the corner of his lips, but it draws Minhyuk's breath away anyway.

  
Five months. Minhyuk isn't sure if that's a long time or not. He's not sure if he expected it would take longer or not. But then again, maybe he wasn't expecting anything at all.

It hits him on a normal Sunday. He's taking a shower in his apartment, reaches over for a shampoo and realizes that it's the _wrong_ one because he asked for Hyungwon to bring him some the last night and he didn't bring the right one. He stares at the bottle for a good minute, water dripping down from his body, opens the bottle and breathes in the scent. It's the one Hyungwon himself always uses.

It's then, as he's washing his hair with Hyungwon's stupid apple shampoo, when he realizes that he's in love. That he's in love with his soulmate. With Chae Hyungwon.

  
"You know," Minhyuk breathes out, closing his eyes as Hyungwon nibbles at his earlobe, "you know what I want to do? With you?"

"Right now or later on?" Hyungwon asks, gently kneading the skin on Minhyuk's exposed thighs, working his way down by leaving open-mouthed kisses on his neck.

"Later on," Minhyuk answers, lifting his hips as Hyungwon grasps at his underwear, tugging it downwards and eventually throwing it to the floor. He stays lying on his back even as Hyungwon sits up, and lets the other spread his legs and kiss his inner thighs.

"Tell me," Hyungwon whispers against his skin.

"Well," Minhyuk starts, inhaling deeply as Hyungwon goes lower, "travel. A lot. Just the two of us."

"I'd like that," Hyungwon tells him. His hand come up from Minhyuk's thighs to his sides, running down, exploring. "Where should we go first?"

Minhyuk shivers, takes a moment to place his thoughts back on order, too lost in Hyungwon's lips and hands on his body. "France."

"Paris?"

"Mhm."

"Sounds good," Hyungwon breathes out, "sounds really good."

He gets up then, only to lean down again to press a kiss on Minhyuk's lips instead. Minhyuk lets his hands explore this time, from Hyungwon's chest to his arm, from his arms to his back, from his back to his abdomen and all the way down to his jeans. He unbuckles the belt and pops the button open, slides his hand underneath to the hardened length and strokes until Hyungwon is gasping, rocking his hips down to his touch.

"You know what I want to do with you right now?" Minhyuk asks, and Hyungwon shudders, his face hidden in Minhyuk's neck.

"I might have an idea," he breathes out, "but tell me."

"Make love," Minhyuk whispers. Hyungwon looks up at him, breathless, beautiful, and presses him against the messy sheets several times that night, spreads Minhyuk's legs again and laces their fingers together.

There's a scar on Minhyuk's hip, one that never healed, but Hyungwon kisses him until it's nothing but a faint memory.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr; reckless-shootout


End file.
